The Monster Review | Road Rash Reviews

3 stars of quintessentially seventies exploitation horror.

The Monster (a.k.a. I Don’t Want to be Born) is a British horror film, originally released in 1975. Based on a story by Nato De Angeles and with a screenplay by Stanley Price (Shout at the Devil), it was directed by Peter Sasdy (The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole Aged 13¾). Largely mocked upon it’s release it has now gained cult status, mostly due to it’s sheer absurdity and entertainment value.

“Oh, what a big bundle! We do weigh a ton don’t we? What a lovely big boy.”

Lucy Carlesi (Joan Collins – Dynasty, American Horror Story) is an ex stripper who has gone up in the world following her marriage to wealthy Italian Gino (Ralph Bates – Dear John, Grave’s End). Now living in a large Kensington home, the pair are excitedly awaiting the birth of their first child.

All is not well however, it is a difficult birth featuring some very alarming forceps action and as Dr. Finch (Donald Pleasence – The Night of the Generals, Phenomena) exclaims “This one doesn’t want to be born.” It is born eventually and it turns out to be a strapping (and pretty angry) baby boy. His first act in this world is to scratch his mother’s face.

They take the child home and everyone, even the housekeeper Mrs Hyde (Hilary Mason – Robot Jox, Don’t Look Now), is forced to admit that he is unusually large and violent. As the strange goings on and eventually deaths rack up, Lucy feels she has an explanation. She believes she has been cursed to give birth to devil child by a dwarf from the strip club where she used to work (of course).

Can Gino’s Italian nun sister Albana (Eileen Atkins – Doc Martin, Gosford Park) work out what is going on and save the day before it is too late?

“How can I tell a doctor that I think my baby is possessed by the Devil?”

The Monster is a very entertaining film in spite of itself. The acting is hammy verging on hysterical and the storyline makes no sense whatsoever, but it somehow gets away with it. I think it might qualify as the weirdest possession film ever made, borrowing liberally from, but at the same time completely ignoring, some of the greats of the genre.

The locations are also stunning, what must at the time have seemed like a poorly thought out tourist bureau advert now serves as a nostalgic look back at the streets and fashions of London in the seventies. The attitudes on display are also very seventies, with plenty of day drinking, smoking and casual sexual harassment. There is also some soft core porn accompanied by smooth saxophone, totally irrelevant to the story, but very of the era.

Perhaps the strangest choice of all was to cast the two main characters as Italians portrayed by English actors, making for some extremely strange accents.

All in all though, despite it’s quirks, this film is fun and that’s what it should really be about. A good watch provided you don’t take it too seriously.

“A doctor can’t write out prescriptions against evil and violence. It’s one of the severest limitations of our profession. You’re the profession which practices exorcism. So you see, it’s a question of my medicine versus your magic.”