10 INVALUABLE TIPS WHICH MAY ONE DAY SAVE YOUR LIFE
1. An in Depth Knowledge of Ornithology is a must (Intro scene + Final Scene)
We have since learnt that European swallows cannot carry coconuts, although the debate on African swallow still rages on.
2. Never trust relatives when the plague comes to town
With thousands dying every day, who’s going to miss one measly old father in law? Sleep with one eye open.
3. Know when you’ve lost a battle. (Black Knight)
Perseverance and resilience can be a virtue, but when limbs are being severed, best call it a day.
4. Don’t weigh the same as a duck (Witch scene)
Witches burn because they’re made of wood and also weigh the same as a duck. Best keep some around for when the fire get low.
5. Don’t let French taunting get the better of you, unless you want farm animals catapulted at you.
If battles were won by verbal insults alone, the French wouldn’t be known as “cheese-eating surrender monkeys” Also take their comments about Grail ownership seriously, it may save you time looking for it.
6. Avoid grail shaped beacons atop abbeys, with young temptresses inside. (Galahad’s Tale)
The gate keepers of the castle Anthrax can result in minor peril – Be warned.
7. Know your local shrubber. (Knights of Ni)
Those who fail to build a rapport with their Shrubber can envoke the wrath of the Knights who say Ni!
8. To a knight, the only good rabbit is a dead rabbit. (Wooden rabbit + feral rabbit)
When wooden models of them aren’t being launched from a French castle crushing your servant, they’re tearing the throat of your fellow knights. Keep your Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch close!
9. Have a good general knowledge and know your favourite colour off by heart. (Bridge of Death)
On slip up on the bridge of death can mean life or (unsurprisingly) death.
10. Avoid incursions with local law enforcement. (Final scene)
Don’t go around killing local historians and you’ll probably be safe with this one.