Road Rash Reviews

The Hitmen Review

Cert 15 | 108 mins | 2023

3 Star

All The Continents, All The Skills. Lets Kill.

Written and directed by Savvas D. Michael (The Bezonians, Smoking Guns), he continues his gangster themed films with, The Hitmen, as he assembles killers from all around the globe to enact revenge for the aggrieved sitting in their ivory tower. The Hitmen is a Noir style black comedy with plenty of bangs for your bucks.

We start with a bang as a couple walk on the beach, under the star lit sky, they approach a caravan, is it theirs? A man with a very big automatic rifle sits waiting in the caravan. The couple walk away as the caravan goes Boom.

Bar 1 London, at odds couple Lauren (Lois Brabin-Platt, Original Gangster, EastEnders (TV Series)) and Luke Loveday (Daniel Caltagirone, Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life, The Pianist), sit arguing about divorcing after ten years of marriage, Luke has mellowed in those years and the now twenty-nine-year-old Lauren wants the man’s man back. That is, until Jackie (Max Lohan, The A List (TV Series)) and Richard (Tyler Reddington) walk into the pub very drunk. Jackie takes an instant liking to Lauren, she isn’t interested, and takes the mickey out of his manhood, but it is when he drops his trousers to prove a point, that the wine hits the shirt, and Luke’s fist. The pair are overzealous in their assault, Lauren for being assaulted, and Luke to prove his manhood. This results in Jackie’s demise. The pair is acquitted on grounds of self-defence.

This does not sit well with Jackie’s grieving grandfather Michael Hero (Eric Roberts, The Poltergeist Diaries, The Dark Knight) who has many contacts, so he reaches out to the powerful mob boss Don Salvatore Piazza (Marco Leonardi, Cinema Paradiso, Once Upon a Time in Mexico) who swears that the pair responsible will die, so he sends his best assassin known only as ‘The Reaper’ (Georges St-Pierre, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Killing Salazar).

Luke and Lauren carry on their continuing question of love and divorce as they wander around a convenience store. Luke notices the dark brooding man that is watching them, he approaches them, and pulls out a gun and slips on the damp floor, sending his gun sliding to Laurens feet. The Reaper is no more.

Having failed to live up to his promise, Salvatore puts a one million dollar bounty for the pair on the open market, which will bring in the gangsters, assassins, and every other type of killer onto the trail of the Loveday’s, except one grieving assassin, who believes in the sanctity of love, Justin Villains (Lucas Aurelio, Shoplifters of the World, The Admirer). Now it’s three versus the rest of the World.

The Hitmen, is Love on the rocks vs a lost love vs grief, and promises. The pairing of Lois Brabin-Platt and Daniel Caltagirone is just a stroke of genius, as they spark off each other brilliantly.

The Hitmen is available on DVD and VOD

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Photos courtesy of John Pavlakos

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DirectorSavvas D. Michael
GenreAction, Black Comedy, Noir
StarringEric Roberts, Adam Deacon, Georges St-Pierre
Available to buy on : Own The Hitmen on DVD